


Doctor Troubles

by ChokolatteJedi



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: fandomaid, Crossover, Episode Related, Episode: s04e09 Miller's Crossing, Episode: s05e04 Out Of My Mind, Gift Fic, M/M, Military, Prompt Fic, Science Experiments, Season/Series 04, Season/Series 05, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-23
Updated: 2011-08-23
Packaged: 2017-10-23 00:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/244128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/pseuds/ChokolatteJedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike thinks he's found the perfect Doctor to remove his chip</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doctor Troubles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raphe1](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=raphe1).



> Written for Fandomaid's SOMALIA FAMINE CRISIS FUNDRAISER.
> 
> The wonderful raphe1 requested "Spike abducts Rodney to deactivate the chip- think of the snark! John to the rescue. John/Rodney pairing with optional Spike included pairing." and I couldn't let that bunny go!
> 
> Sorry that it is a bit later and a lot longer than promised - the boys just wouldn't stop snarking! ;)

Spike stared at the poster for a few moments longer before making up his mind. It took only a second to rip it from the bulletin board, and he strode away, whistling.

\--v--v--

“And that is why, with these new technological breakthroughs, my compression formulas and the amazing advances in satellite transmission development, we can create viable, nearly microscopic, medical chips for use in animals. And perhaps, one day, humans. Thank you.”

The assorted crowd applauded – the students half-heartedly, the professors enthusiastically – and from his place in the shadows Spike smirked. He hadn’t understood a word that this man said, but he was now one hundred percent positive that the Doctor could fix him.

The scientist gulped down a glass of water as he shuffled his papers; Spike found his eyes drawn to the action. His Adams Apple bobbed, the veins on his neck swelling slightly with the gulping pressure, and Spike could hear the blood pumping through those arteries. Spike licked his lips and took a half a step forward, but a group of students making a hasty retreat blocked his way. Shaking his head to clear his mind, Spike slipped along the side wall towards the front of the auditorium.

Some of the professors were approaching the man now, probably asking questions about his great bloody theory that he’d been gabbing about for the last two hours. It was all nonsense and gobbledygook as far as Spike was concerned, but from the sounds of it, the bloke knew his computer chips. And he was a doctor, as he’d often mentioned in between technobabble, so he should have no problems doing a little open-head surgery.

Skulking near the edge of the stage, Spike waited for the adoring fans to slip away. He scanned the room as he waited, and noticed that there was a man in a strange black uniform speaking to a woman near the door. Making a mental note to avoid him – it didn’t look like the uniform of the amazing chip squad, but he’d decided to make a point of avoiding military folk on principal – Spike waited out the scientist’s adoring crowd.

At last most of the professors said goodnight, and with only one left, Spike sauntered towards the podium. The uniformed man and the woman were still hovering in the back, and Spike figured that they were both waiting on the doctor. As he neared, the last visitor shook the doctor’s hand. “It’s been such a privilege to hear you speak, Dr. McKay. It was truly an enlightening speech. Your compression ratios are certain to make huge leaps in the computer science field.”

The doctor smirked. “Yes, well, it’s, uh all part of a day’s work for me, but uh, I’m sure it’ll help someone.”

“Yes, well, thank you again for speaking with us. It has been a great pleasure, Dr. McKay.” The elder man shook his hand one more time before leaving.

Spike immediately stepped up to take his place. “Hey Doc!

The doctor frowned. “Hello. Yes, I’m so glad you enjoyed the speech. I know it was very inspiring. Now if you will excuse me, it’s really getting late and I have to go.”

“Now wait, hang on a sec.” Spike held up one hand, pressing lightly against the other man’s chest. “I’ve got something very important to talk to you about. I’ve got a computer problem for you that I doubt you’ve ever seen before. Real high class military stuff.”

“Look, I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know what kind of technology you’ve got, but you are clearly not military, and I doubt you’ve got anything to show me that would even be remotely worth my time. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m a very important and busy man, and I’ve got a lot to do, thank you.”

“Hold on a minute, doc,” Spike grabbed the man’s arm. He had wanted to do this the quiet way, for the sake of the bloke in the black uniform, but he could play hard ball too. “I said, I’ve got something to show you.” With one quick move, Spike had the scientist’s arm pinned behind his back, with his body hiding the action from the guard. He was careful about his motions – they were meant to restrain, rather than injure, and, as he hoped, the chip didn’t fire.

“He-”

“No!” Spike pulled the arm viciously. “Not one word out of you, doc, or both you and the pretty lady get shredded.”

He opened his mouth again and Spike tightened his grip; if he did it slowly, the pain came on like a headache, rather than a freight train. “Don’t count on your bodyguard to save you either. He can’t be everywhere, and I’m a lot stronger than I look, got it?” He pulled the man’s shoulder even further back to emphasize his point. “Now, are we doing this the nice way or the hard way?”

“The nice way,” his captive growled.

Spike led him towards the side door, feeling a bit impressed with his captive despite himself. Though he had maneuvered to keep his chip from firing as much as possible, he had inflicted some pain (and had the lingering ache to prove it), and the man had barely whimpered. Spike had definitely chosen the right man for the job.

\--v--v--

“So, what did you think of Mer’s speech?” Jeanie asked as she ducked out of the way of a group of fast-moving students.

“Uh, it was fairly concise, for Rodney,” John replied carefully.

“You didn’t understand a word, did you?” Jeanie teased.

“Well, I know that the chip was developed based on Ancient tech, and I know the principal behind the original, so I wasn’t completely lost…” Jeanie smiled and John returned the gesture. “Alright, so I zoned out for the second half. You can’t tell me that you paid attention all the way through, too.”

“Well, I listened so many times when Mer was practicing, that I might have missed a few bits in the middle tonight,” Jeanie admitted.

They shared another conspiratorial grin, and then John scanned the room again. He was technically on guard duty, given what had happened before when Jeanie and Rodney were kidnapped, but he couldn’t resist the chance to chat with his (practically) sister-in-law. There were only two people left speaking to McKay – an older gentleman that John recognized from the pre-lecture greeting, and a young blonde man in a long black trench coat.

The latter stirred a hint of warning in John’s mind, but he slipped his hand down to his side, giving his gun a reassuring pat. Ronon was out by the car, having ducked out only five minutes into the lecture. If the young man did try to do something, John was confident that the Runner would stop him in his tracks.

“By the way, did I show you the video of Madison’s dance recital?” Jeannie asked suddenly, reaching for her phone.

John grinned. “No. I think you started to, and then Rodney started complaining about something…”

“The tofurky?”

“Probably.”

Another shared grin. “Well she got to be the lead gumdrop this year,” Jeannie explained, pulling up the video.

John watched, amused. Unlike Rodney, who was extremely uncomfortable around children, John loved being an uncle. He didn’t have many chances to hang out with any young kids in the Pegasus Galaxy (though Jinto always leached onto him when he visited the Athosians) and he loved spending time with Jeannie’s daughter.

John glanced up once, to find the older professor gone and the young man talking alone with Rodney, and then looked back at the phone when Jeannie declared “Oh, here’s the best part!”

When the video finished a minute later, John noticed the time on the phone. “Come on, Dr. McKay, it’s time t-” As John spoke, he spun around, only to discover the room was empty; Rodney and the blonde man had disappeared.

\--v--v--

Rodney refused to think about what kind of filth was accumulating on his shoes as his captor lead him through a series of sewer tunnels. “You know, I have allergies, and asthma, and this really isn’t the kind of place that a person with those illnesses should be,” he began, hoping that they would move above ground, where his subcutaneous transmitter would get better reception. “I mean, I appreciate the fact that you aren’t trying to break my arm anymore, believe me, but I’m just trying to point out that you obviously want me to do something for you, and I’ll be able to work better if I’m not dying of bronchitis.”

“We’re almost there, mate.” The other man replied shortly.

“And we can’t reach ‘there’ from a less disgusting route?” Rodney snarked.

“Nope.”

“Well I hope the destination is a little more sanitary than these tunnels.”

The man frowned. “Don’t worry, Doc. I’m sure that you’ll find them up to your standards. I just happen to have a spare OR hidden away beneath the campus.”

Rodney couldn’t tell if the man was being serious or joking, but he had a sudden, sinking feeling that there had been a large misunderstanding. “Look, I’m getting the impression, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but you seem to be under the impression that I’m a medical doctor.”

“Yep.” His captor shoved a crumpled up piece of paper into Rodney’s hand, and he opened it with dread. It was the poster advertising his lecture.

Despite Rodney’s objections, the photographer had put him in a white lab coat, insisting that it would ‘sell the image.’ John and Jeannie had found it hilarious, especially coupled with the prominent display of his title at the top. John had even suggested drawing a little stethoscope around his neck, like the one Carson always wore. Now Rodney made a mental note to hunt down and shoot the photographer.

“Look, I understand how this looks, but you’ve got the wrong impression,” he began. “I’m a scientist, not a medical doctor.”

“Isn’t that your name at the top?” the other man asked.

“Well, yes, but-”

“And doesn’t that say ‘Doctor Rodney McKay?”

“Well obviously, but that’s because-”

“And didn’t you make a point of saying, many times, during your lecture, that you were a doctor?”

“Well, I wouldn’t quite phrase it like that-”

“So you’re not getting out of this that easily, Doc. I need you to do a little work for me.”

“Look, I know what you’re thinking, but I am telling you, I am not a surgeon! I have a doctorate degree – two of them, actually – in physics and mechanical engineering. Neither of those really has anything to do with medicine.” They were continuing in a downhill fashion, and Rodney was getting more nervous about the power of his transmitter. Unless someone was back early, there were no ships in orbit, and the handheld scanners could only do so much.

“But you know some medical stuff, right Doc?” his kidnapper persisted.

Worry made his voice rise. “Well, if you’ve got a _boo-boo_ I can put some Neosporin and a Band-Aid on it, but that’s pretty much the extent of my expertise!”

“Nice try, Doc, but you just spent two hours talking about computer chips for medical purposes. I think you do know all about putting a chip into someone, or taking one out, and you’re just trying to make me let you go. Well I’ll tell you something, Doc. I don’t believe you. And if you botch this job, or refuse to do it, then, well then I don’t need you anymore.”

The last phrase sent chills down Rodney’s spine. “A-and what h-happens then?”

His captor pulled Rodney around so that they were face to face and then, to Rodney’s horror, the face that he was looking at began to change. Flashing a smile full of sharp white teeth, the man replied, “Then _you_ become a nummy snack.”

\--v--v--

John slammed his fist into the steering wheel of his rental car. They’d set up a perimeter around the college’s auditorium, but Rodney’s captor had slipped past them somehow. Ronon had escorted Jeannie back to the hotel, where a couple of marines were watching her, while John had coordinated the road-blocks and ground search with the local police, mentally berating himself for his inattention the entire time.

They’d had no luck, unfortunately, and now John was forced to admit that he needed help. As he pushed the speed-dial for Stargate Command, John desperately hoped that the Apollo had made it back a day ahead of schedule. The powerful sensors on the ship would have far better luck finding Rodney’s subcutaneous transmitter than the weak handheld device he was using.

Finally, his call was transferred, and General Landry picked up. “Sir, this is Col Sheppard; we’ve got a big problem.”

\--v--v--

“Here’s the thing, mate,” Spike said, proffering a small glass vial. His captive had been eyeing The Initiative’s OR, which Spike had kindly cleared of bodies, but now Spike saw his eyes flick toward the vial. “This isn’t my first swing dance. I had one of those leggy blonde assistants last time, but this time I’m flying solo. _This_ ,” he shook the vial, making the purple liquid within froth, “is a powerful poison. Once exposed to the air, it’ll kill any living thing pretty much instantly.”

“But, th-that would kill you too!” the doctor stammered.

“Ah, ah, ah, my little lamb. As I displayed so acutely earlier, I am not living. Not anymore. So if this little package goes smash, it’ll be you and only you greeting your maker.”

“This is impossible,” the other man protested, but Spike could tell that he believed.

“So here’s the deal. I have a microchip in my brainpan, courtesy of the same lovely folks who brought you this lab. You are here to remove it. These mirrors” he indicated the set of large mirrors he had rigged over one of the tables, “are there so that I can see every move you make. Any wise ideas about poking around in my brain, or not removing the chip, and my fingers’ll _twitch_.” He wiggled the vial suggestively. “Get it?”

“Got it!”

Spike lay on the table, holding the vial loosely in his left hand. “Then get to it!”

“I really think that you should be aware; regardless of what you think, I really don’t have that much medical experience, and I’m just as likely to kill you as to remove this so-called chip!”

Spike smirked. “Did I forget to mention? Once you’re dead, I’m gonna go hunt down your bodyguard and that cute bird that was with him. She’s just _full_ of life, isn’t she?” In the mirror he could see the doctor’s stricken expression, and Spike knew that he’d won. And, come to think of it, he seemed to have found a loophole around the chip’s influences. As long as he wasn’t directly or actively physically threatening a human, he could set events in motion to kill one just the same.

“Now Doc, let’s get on with it, shall we?”

Trembling, the scientist picked up the scalpel. “Y-yes, yes.”

“Anesthesia first, Doc.” Spike reminded him, pointing to the prepared syringe with his free hand. He’d set up everything in advance, not trusting a genius not to try to outsmart him.

“Y-yes, of course.” He reached for the syringe. “Uh, if you’ll roll up your sleeve?”

\--v--v--

Oh this was so not good! Rodney had been kidnapped more times than he could count over the past few years, and that was something that he was going to have to take up with John, once he was rescued, because, really, weapon wielding maniacs trying to use his genius for their own agendas was getting old.

But this… man, was worse than Kolya and Wallace combined. What he had done with his face, and then with the dead corpse that had been laying on the table… Rodney shuddered at the memory. At first, he had refused to believe it, but then the small part of his brain that was sounding increasingly like John had to interject. He’d seen Goa’uld and Asguard and Wraith and hybrid bug-men. Why not vampires?

He had no doubts of the man’s sincerity in his threats, and judging by the facility they were currently in, he wasn’t lying about the government chip either. Normally Rodney would have made some snarky comment about alien abduction – seriously, an implanted chip and government cover-ups? It screamed 1980’s B-grade alien movie. This man, however, didn’t seem the drunken abduction type. Rodney was tempted to make a probe joke anyway, but the sight of the purple liquid halted him.

Aliens or no, this man was convinced of this chip’s existence, and he was holding all the cards. Rodney just had to stall him and keep alive until John and Ronon tracked him down. He had faith that John would find him, as he always had, and Rodney just needed to be alive when he swooped in to save the day.

“Are you feeling numb yet?” he asked, not entirely positive that he wanted the answer to be ‘yes.’

“Numb enough, mate. Get on with it.”

Rodney hefted the scalpel again, this time cutting a slightly ragged line across the top of his captor’s head. A little bit of blood welled out of the cut, and Rodney looked around frantically for something to stem it. There was a pile of cottonballs on the tray, and he grabbed a handful.

To his surprise, no more blood had appeared while he’d been distracted. “You know, I’m not a medical doctor,” he said, blotting at the blood, “but I would expect a head wound to bleed quite a bit more than this.”

“Heart’s not pumping like it used to,” was the cocky reply.

“Right, well I just thought I’d check.” Rodney finished blotting and threw the cotton ball on the floor. For a moment, he had a flash of the OR on MASH, which John liked to watch sometimes. Maybe this was what it would have been like had he finished more than a few months of medical school.

Carefully, Rodney used the clamp to pull back the flap of skin and hair and was slightly surprised despite himself to see a patch of skull, just like he would imagine. Except that this one had a line already cut into it. “Is there any reason why your skull looks like a patchwork quilt?” he asked, unable to hold the comment in. He was always his snarkiest under pressure.

“Perhaps because you’re at least the third one to chop into it, Doc.” His patient replied cheerfully. The most recent one made a nice snack later for my assistant, and the first group is in one of these rooms.”

Remembering the gruesome appearance of the halls and rooms they had walked through to get to this OR, Rodney gulped. Clearly anyone who was involved with this man didn’t have good odds of survival. “Right, did I mention the part where I’m not a brain surgeon?”

“Tomay-to, tomah-to.”

“No, I think this is a little more intricate than that, thank you! You are asking me to poke around inside the giant bundle of goop that controls all of the body’s functions, and higher motor skills, and language, and everything that makes us tick! You’re asking a man with no brain experience, other than being a genius, to stick a fork in there and swirl it around until I find something?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you insane? Even if there is a chip and I find it, the odds of getting it out are less than one percent! If whoever put it into you knew what they were doing, they probably tied it in to your central nervous system, which means it isn’t just a matter of yanking it out like a broken tooth! This thing could leave you paralyzed or worse if removed improperly!”

“Then you’d best do it right, mate.” He had no reason to sound this cocky! Rodney hadn’t the faintest clue what he was doing, which was a rare thing in and of itself, but this man acted as though he had just asked him to work out the square root of 49!

 _“I’m not a brain surgeon!”_ Rodney replied desperately.

“I’m not asking you to tinker with my brain,” was the patient reply. “I’m telling you to take out the thing that doesn’t belong in the first place. You military types are all about putting chips into people, and now it’s about time that you take one out. Now get to it!”

Defeated for the moment, Rodney contemplated the pink squishy thing before him. If only he were looking at the control panel in the back of a jumper, with the sleek crystal plates glowing a bright bluish-white. All he would have to do then would be to test each one with his pad until he found the right one to guarantee his freedom. Instead, the blobby coils of the brain were a complete mystery to this genius. He could poke around systematically, as he would when testing jumper circuits, but if he poked the wrong place, that vial could drop, and then he’d be dead before Sheppard arrived.

\--v--v--

John breathed a huge sigh of relief as the walls of the Apollo materialized around him. “Thank you for getting here so quickly,” he said sincerely, nodding to Ellis.

“I hear that Dr McKay’s been kidnapped again,” his words were mostly neutral, but John could tell by the quirk of his mouth what the Colonel was thinking. This was the second time he had stepped in to help find a kidnapped McKay on Earth.

Of course, a month with only two kidnappings was pretty much a normal one for John and Rodney, but of course Ellis wasn’t that involved with their usual exploits. “Again.” He replied simply instead.

“What do we know?”

“We’re looking for a young blonde man: black trench coat, red shirt, black pants. Didn’t appear to be connected, as Wallace was. I wouldn’t say he’s a complete amateur, because he did somehow evade all our roadblocks, but it is unlikely that he has a lot of money or resources to throw at us. He seemed to be working alone, and he’s somehow gotten Rodney out of range of the handheld scanners.” John feebly waved the one still in his hand as proof. “We’re hoping that, now that you’re here…”

“Done.” Ellis looked over at his pilot. “Can you find Dr McKay’s transmitter?”

She quickly adjusted a few knobs and dials. “I’m not getting anything from here, Sir. If he’s still in the area, he appears to be somewhere shielded.”

“Can you be sure?”

“No, Sir.” She shook her head. “But Dr. Lee might have an idea.”

“Thank you.” Ellis rose from his chair and headed for the door. John quickly followed.

“Dr. Lee! What can you tell me about shielding subcutaneous transmitters?” Ellis barked as they entered the main science bridge.

“Uh, it’s very hard? I mean, high level government clearance is required to even know the details about them, let alone the ability to study them and devise a shielding method…”

“And there aren’t many people with that clearance?” John asked impatiently.

“Not ones who would be interested in the transmitters; that level of clearance opens a lot of more interesting doors than just _transmitter chips_.”

“What about the group that brought them here?” Ellis asked.

Dr. Lee looked surprised. “Well with them we’re talking about potential chips _ten_ years in the future. They’re our branch to make the transmitters public someday, so they have no idea that the chips already exit and are in use. I- I- I just don’t see them having enough knowledge about our chips to shield them so well.”

“Plus, they just heard Rodney lecture for two hours,” John joked. “Why would they still want him after that?”

“You know, there’s a chance that who ever did this doesn’t know about Rodney’s chip at all…” Bill suddenly declared.

“What?” John and Ellis both looked at him in surprise.

“Well, I mean, you were talking about specifically shielding for _our_ transmitters. There are some general military level shielding projects that might cause this interference, in a large enough quantity.”

“What are you saying, Doc?”

“Well, they could have a poly-neutronium shielding in place, which would block a lot of things, including our transmitters, or they could have a dexinide-plutonium shield, which would confuse our scanners, or…”

“I get the picture, Doctor,” Ellis interrupted. “You’re saying that they may not know about our transmitters, but might be inadvertently blocking them anyway.”

“Y-yeah.”

“And is there any way to check for those things?” John asked. “The poly-thingy and the other one?”

“Uh, there might be…” Lee quickly began to fiddle with his console. “Uh, wait a minute, wait a minute! I’m seeing a really large area that’s got a very low level of meta-radiation!”

“Which means?” John demanded. He didn’t have time to play the ‘coddle the scientist’ game, especially when that scientist wasn’t Rodney.

“Oh! Uh, meta-radiation is a byproduct of the dexinide-plutonium shield. Usually there isn’t enough to trace, but this one’s putting out buckets of the stuff!”

“Which means?” John repeated.

“Either they’ve got a very early model with massive decay problems, or their shield is 20 feet thick and around something as large as a 7 story building!” he sounded impressed, but John just felt mad.

Suddenly he had a flashback to the first time they had encountered the Genii. “It isn’t a building – it’s a bunker!” he burst out. “That’s how they evaded Ronon and the roadblocks-”

“That would explain why the handheld scanners couldn’t find him,” Lee added thoughtfully.

“-He’s underground!”

“Are you telling me that some high classified branch of the military built a radioactive bunker beneath this school?” Colonel Ellis asked doubtfully.

“That’s gotta be where he is.” John couldn’t explain it, but he just _knew._ Rodney was trapped underground by some crazy person, and he was counting on John to save him. “How do I get in there, doc?”

Lee frowned. “Uh, I’m not sure. I don’t have access to a schematic or anything…”

Ellis tapped his earpiece. “David, contact the IOA and see if there’s anyone around the area who might know something about a large military bunker,” he ordered.

“I’m going to go back to the auditorium and see if I can’t trace their trail from there,” John decided. “Give me a shout once you lose sight of my transmitter, Doc; we’ll know we’re getting close.”

Bill nodded, and then, with a familiar burst of light, John was back on Earth.

\--v--v--

Rodney’s eyes flickered to the purple bottle and back again. So far he’d managed to find the chip without apparently damaging his patient’s brain, but now he was stuck with a dilemma. Gently nudging the coils of brain aside were one thing, but actually disconnecting the chip from whatever it was attached to was going to be a different job entirely.

He tried to reason with his captor again. “Look, I found it, alright, but I really think that you should get a medical doctor for this. I have no idea how to remove this thing, especially without removing some vital part of your grey matter in the process!”

“I have faith in your sense of self preservation, Doc,” the blonde declared cockily.

“Believe me, you have no idea the depths of my self-preservation instinct, but that can’t always make up for a lack of knowledge! I don’t _know_ how to remove this!”

“Then give it a good yank- it works with the telly antenna.”

“That would almost assuredly damage something!” Rodney couldn’t believe how utterly uncomprehending this man was. Compared to him, Kolya was an open-minded genius. “I think that one of those other doctors who poked around in here caused some major brain malfunctions – you seem to have no comprehension of how dangerous this is!”

The fingers holding the vial twitched, and Rodney became even more pissed off. “No! You’ve got major problems, and shaking that poison around isn’t going to fix them! You might as well drop it and kill me now, because there is no way I can get this thing out without causing massive damage! Maybe an actual medical doctor could, but I’m not one!”

“Doc-”

“No! PHD, not MD! Can’t you tell the difference? If I try to yank this thing out it’ll probably kill you, and then when that bottle breaks I’ll die anyway, so you might as well just get it over with and save what higher brain functions you have left!”

\--v--v--

As John and Ronon followed the green-clad young man through battle-scarred halls filled with dead bodies, their guide briefly filled them in on the situation. They were far underground, inside the shielding that kept Lee from tracking Rodney, and John knew in his gut that his lover was close by.

“From the description, your assailant sounds like Hostile 17,” Graham said. “As part of the Hostile Rehab initiative, he was implanted with a microchip that kept him from harming humans without great pain upon himself. He’s already tried to have one of our doctors remove it, and your man’s speech probably caught 17’s attention – the technology is very similar.”

“So what, he kidnapped McKay so that he could remove the chip?” Ronon asked.

“It seems likely, Sir. Our doctor said that Hostile 17 displays an unusual mix of ration and irrational thought. He captured our man and took him to suitable facilities, used a partner as a failsafe… all advanced tactical moves. However, he was irrationally insistent that our doctor, who had no neurological training, could competently remove the chip without damage. He eventually managed to fake out 17, but that deception will probably make it harder on your friend – 17’s proven extremely elusive and resourceful in the past.”

The more this young man explained, the more disgusted John became. The actions of this Initiative sounded so similar to what Carson had tried with the wraith retrovirus, and yet so different. Carson had cared about his subjects, whereas this group had clearly treated them like animals. John hoped that they could avoid a tragic ending to _this_ experiment.

“The OR labs are this way, Sir,” Graham said.

Silently, they snuck towards the room, and, finally John caught the sound of Rodney’s voice. As they drew closer, the conversation became clearer.

“I have no idea how to remove this thing, especially without removing some vital part of your grey matter in the process!”

“I have faith in your sense of self preservation, Doc,” another voice replied.

‘Hostile 17,’ Graham mouthed.

“Believe me, you have no idea the depths of my self-preservation instinct, but that can’t always make up for a lack of knowledge! I don’t _know_ how to remove this!”

Rodney seemed to be on the verge between terrified and furious, and John worried which way he would tip.

“Then give it a good yank- it works with the telly antenna.” John exchanged a look with Graham; now he heard what the young soldier meant earlier – this 17 had no idea what he was talking about.

“That would almost assuredly damage something! I think that one of those other doctors who poked around in here caused some major brain malfunctions – you seem to have no comprehension of how dangerous this is!” Rodney was tipping towards anger, and John mentally cheered. A pissed off Rodney was a clever Rodney. He couldn’t see what happened, but something made the balance tip, and a second later Rodney was shouting.

“No! You’ve got major problems, and shaking that poison around isn’t going to fix them!” The word poison made John’s blood freeze, and he glanced down at the tracer in his hand. It was risky, but if the young Graham was correct about Hostile 17 not being a living creature, and if the specially modified tracer could bypass the interference…

“You might as well drop it and kill me now, because there is no way I can get this thing out without causing massive damage! Maybe an actual medical doctor could, but I’m not one!”

“Doc-” Hostile 17 tried to interrupt, but Rodney was on a roll.

“No! PHD, not MD! Can’t you tell the difference? If I try to yank this thing out it’ll probably kill you, and then when that bottle breaks I’ll die anyway, so you might as well just get it over with and save what higher brain functions you have left!”

John had heard all that he needed to. Clutching the tracer, he nodded to the other two. Dr. Lee hadn’t been entirely confident in this plan, but if the Hostile had some kind of poison as his failsafe, John couldn’t risk waiting for a better one.

Ronon counted down from three, and then they burst through the open door.

\--v--v--

“You kidnap me and then demand that I do this- wha-”

Rodney barely had time to register the appearance of John and Ronon before his lover shouted. “Now, Doc!”

Then, in a burst of familiar light, the room faded away.

\--v--v--

Spike was seriously contemplating dropping the bottle and having done with it, when suddenly three men burst into the room. One was the bodyguard from the auditorium, and one of the others he recognized as an Initiative boy.

“Now, Doc!” the bodyguard yelled, and before Spike could react, all four were gone in a flash of light. A second later, another flash of light deposited what appeared to be a spring-loaded ball of stakes.

Spike dropped the vial of grape kool-aid, clasped his other hand over his exposed skull, and dove out of the room. Seconds later, a whoosh and a series of crashes told him how close he had come to the end.

Wanting to get as far away as possible, in case the bodyguard had another nasty trick up his sleeve, Spike ran for the exit. As his hair flapped along above him, he muttered, “Oh, bolloks.”


End file.
